Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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