I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
