We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As shirtless as possible
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
