If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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