i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
