help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there's paper in my vomit.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
