Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
