Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
a search helicopter?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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