so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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