Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
