I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
