this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
