I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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