I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
