You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
