i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
