I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
