Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
