hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think i got beer on your cat.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
