Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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