So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
