walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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