"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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