i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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