For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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