he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Are we still banned from the library?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
