so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
