I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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