remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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