I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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