Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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