Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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