I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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