New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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