Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
