just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
