I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
