things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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