it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
