Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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