What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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