if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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