dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
