i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
