Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
