you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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