The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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