what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
