My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
