NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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